I was doing really well for a few weeks with exercising. I haven't been so great lately. But there is a reason, and it's why I'm posting this on this particular blog. This is for my emotional/mental health. So here goes!
I tend to get a little paranoid over things. So when I started spotting during the fifth week of my pregnancy, I was immediately concerned and terrified. I knew that spotting was a relatively common occurrence in the first trimester, but I still worried-who wouldn't?! Sadly, within the next few days it became obvious that I was having a miscarriage. I believe that knowledge is power, so I started reading whatever I could so I knew what to expect. But experience is the best teacher. Nothing I read could have prepared me for some of the feelings and emotions that I would have. People tend to not talk a lot about miscarriage, because it is a very hard thing. Especially when it is early on in a pregnancy. It's an experience that I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy (not that I have enemies). Unfortunately, it's an experience that a lot of women have to go through. So I was astounded that I couldn't find more articles written by women who had gone through a miscarriage. I started searching harder, and lo and behold I found quite a few blog posts about how miscarriage needs to be talked about more.
And it does. Why does it seem almost taboo to talk about miscarriages? It's a pretty common occurrence, so why is it not okay to be more open about it? Something else that I thought about/was researching, that I think is ridiculous, is this weird thing in our society where we are encouraged not to share our pregnancies early on. Things seriously need to change. Why should a woman have to hide that she is pregnant, just in case she has a miscarriage? I understand that you might not want to tell everyone your pregnant, just to have something go wrong and have to tell everyone that you aren't pregnant anymore... That would be so hard. But sometimes it's easier for people to know—you have support that way.
However, this is a big step for me. I was buying in to the whole, keep miscarriages hush hush thing... But I decided that I wasn't okay with it. So this post will be a LOT of people's first time hearing about my miscarriage. I'm going to jump in with this article. As I was going through my miscarriage, I read a lot about how it's okay to grieve, and a lot about the physical aspects of it, but I wish I could've found something more about the emotions and feelings that you might have. Or just some other things that you don't think about it. So here's what some people may not tell you about a miscarriage—especially an early one.
You might cry... A lot. You might also go back and forth between being okay and being heartbroken.
I was the back and forth. I had immediately gained a bond with the baby growing inside of me, and when I realized that baby wasn't going to live, I was devastated. But I tried/try to be strong. However, there were times when I didn't have it in me and I would just cry. And you know what? That's okay. I was trying so hard to be strong, and trying not to sob uncontrollably, and my wonderful, amazing husband told me that it was okay to cry. And it is. At other times I felt okay. I am okay-I think I'm handling it pretty well. Other times... that's a different story.
You may not want to talk about it, or you may want to tell lots of people.
I leaned a little more toward the not wanting to talk about it. I don't mind people knowing now. The hard part is actually telling people. How do you bring it up? This is, again, something that needs to change. Fortunately, the few people that I told were wonderful. They sent texts to check on me and gave me their love and support. And that was amazing. So even if you don't want to tell a lot of people, tell at least a few people, they'll probably be very supportive.
If you have a child/children already, it will make you more grateful for them and make you love them even more.
I have a little boy who I adore, and during/after my miscarriage, my love and adoration for him grew even more. Sometimes it was difficult, though. Putting my son to bed put me in tears for the first week or so. I loved him so much and wanted so badly to love another child. I'd already started to love the baby growing inside of me and I wanted to be able to put him or her to sleep too... I love and appreciate my sweet boy even more, and I didn't know that was possible.
You might be scared-terrified-rather, to get pregnant again.
It might be a paradox of feelings, really. I'm scared to get pregnant again because I'm afraid that this will happen again. But I'm also scared that I won't get pregnant again. It's difficult to describe. I'm afraid of either outcome. Wanting to have a baby is winning out-especially now. This made us realize just how much we want another baby. But that doesn't change the fact that I am terrified now that this will happen again.
If you've made your first prenatal appointment, canceling it will suck.
I had already made my first appointment. When I started spotting/having the miscarriage, I was talking to my OBGYN office a LOT. I was told to make an appointment for about two weeks after the bleeding started, so they could make sure all was okay and that my body got rid of everything... Canceling my prenatal appointment and setting the one for the miscarriage sucked. It was not a good start to my day. And unfortunately, someone hadn't updated my file, so I got a call from one of the nurses with questions about the miscarriage, so I had to go through everything again. Things like that will make it harder, but you'll be okay.
Seeing pregnant women, even on social media, might put you in tears.
I'm still struggling with this one sometimes. I go to church on Sunday and there are SO many women who are pregnant. My first Sunday after my miscarriage was really rough. There were a ton of women around me with burgeoning bellies, and I was so happy for them, and so sad for myself. How I wanted that! I sat down next to my husband in Sunday School and tried not to break down. It's okay to feel that way. I have to keep reminding myself of that.
If you're fortunate enough to be married and have a supportive husband to help you through a miscarriage, it might bring you closer.
Mutual heartache can bring you closer if you let it. We needed each other. We had lost a miracle that we had both helped to create. It was devastating for both of us. But we leaned on each other and I love, adore, and respect my husband even more now.
I truly hope this post will help at least one person. But I think that talking about miscarriages needs to be more acceptable and okay. I know that a lot of people just don't know what to say to someone who has had a miscarriage. All you need to say is "I'm so sorry." And maybe give them a hug. They may not want to talk about it, so don't push them. If they want to talk then they will. Let's just be more open about this. If you have a story you'd like to share, leave a comment on here, or on my facebook, or feel free to send me a message.
For my friends and family, the above goes for me. If I want to talk about it, I will. If I don't, don't push me. Sometimes I am totally okay talking about things, and other times I can't talk about it or else I will break into sobs. If you are finding out about my miscarriage now through this post, don't feel hurt that I didn't tell you. Very few people knew before I wrote this.
To those who have been through a miscarriage, I am so sorry, and I hope that you are doing well now. For those currently experiencing a miscarriage, my heart and love goes out to you. If you ever want or need to talk, I am here.
