Caught in Clothing Sizes

Have you ever been trying on clothes and ended up leaving discouraged and frustrated, empty-handed, because NOTHING looked good on you? Yeah, I had one of those days recently. And the reason I was so upset? Clothing sizes. I got caught in the trap of a little number on a small tag. So much so that I broke down and cried in the car on the way home. I've been blissfully unaware of what size I am for so long, that when I started trying on clothes, I was trying on clothes that were too small. After over an hour of trying on dress after dress, skirt after skirt, I left the store empty handed, feeling awful about the way I looked, and ready to give up. And a small part of me understood in that moment, why people have problems with anorexia, or bulemia.

Why do we let clothing sizes affect us so much? Because affect us they do. Leaving that store, feeling as awful as I did, has made me lose all interest in clothes shopping. While that might be good for my pocket book, what does that say about me? Our culture? We are constantly bombarded:

You need to lose weight. 

Love your body as it is.

Real women have curves.

Leggings are only for skinny people. 

Leggings aren't pants. 

Spandex is a privelege, not a right...

The list is endless. We constantly hear conflicting things about our bodies and how we should dress. Our society is so driven by physical appearance that no one is ever perfect. "Perfect" is unattainable. And yet we often get caught up in it all--relying on that little number on the tag to let us know how good we are. 

We let that tag have way too much power. We are not that number. You are not that number. We are so much more than our size. We are mothers, daughters, sisters, friends, husbands, sons, etc. And we are beautiful. Beauty comes in all shapes and sizes--one specific size doesn't suddenly make us beautiful, we already are. As a side note, I love clothes, and I believe they have great power-they help us to feel beautiful and confident when we find just the right thing. It's just that finding the right thing is extremely difficult. Side note over.

Now everyone is different, even within the same size. What looks good—nay, AMAZING—on one person, may look... not so flattering on another. For example, I've got 'love handles.' So you put me in a pair of pants that hits me at just the wrong spot and I don't look very good. You put those same pants on another woman, the same size, just different curves, and she will look awesome. 

And while we are on this subject, women's clothing sizes vary by brand. What the crap is up with that?  Why on earth would companies do that? Actually, I know. It's because of our society. There is so much fat shaming, and it comes through in clothing sizes too. However, please do not take this so far as to make it skinny shaming too—that is just as bad. What I'm getting at here, is that clothing sizes have a power over us that they should not have.

So I am begging you. Yes you. Please, please do not get caught up in that little number. When I broke down after my little shopping excursion, I had told my husband everything. He knew how frustrated and depressed I was. He sent the perfect text: 

"Don't let clothing lables define your self-worth."

I needed that. Physical appearance means so much in our society and I was letting it dig in deeper and deeper. My size does not define my self-worth. And it doesn't define yours either. Clothing lables are just that, lables trying to categorize us, but they don't, and we shouldn't let them. So please, if you're struggling with body image and your size, next time you're trying on clothes, don't let that little number get you down. You're fine. Beautiful. Try not to ever forget that.  

(Photo found on Google)

Join me!

Ugh. I meant to post this on August 31st so I could get people on board BEFORE the month had started. Oh well! I'm doing my best!

I did this a couple months ago but didn't get much interest. But I'm doing it again! It's the start of a month, so why not make a goal to get slowly healthy? I started doing the 30 day yoga challenge again. It is seriously wonderful! Working out and being more active is becoming more of a habit, which is great, but this yoga challenge is awesome and I am already feeling it after only two days!

If you don't want to do yoga that is totally fine. Do whatever you like, but make a goal to do something active every day for the month of September. If you've been putting off getting back in to shape, stop putting it off and get started. It's a new month, so it's the perfect time to start. The energy and overall healthier feeling you will have is SO worth it!

Let's do it, then! If you want to try the 30 day yoga challenge, you can find the videos here. I LOVE her videos! She is so real and I just can't get enough of her. If you want to do something else that it totally fine! Just do something.

It is so much easier to keep yourself active when you have someone to be accountable to. So let's be accountable to one another. Post on the Slowly Healthy Facebook page when you get in your activity for the day. That way we can be happy and excited for one another, and also encourage one another. What better way to get slowly healthy?!

It's just not worth it

It is catch up day while I actually have a minute. My little guy is sleeping and the little girl I'm babysitting is playing happily. So I get to write! Yay me!

From the title of this post, I'm guessing you're wondering what isn't worth it. Well here goes!

A few months ago, my dear husband wasn't getting many hours at work, since he's project based. It was really starting to put a strain on us financially, so I decided to find a part time job to help out. So I have been working Monday-Friday, 20 hours a week for the past while. After about a month it became very clear that it wasn't working for us. I am going to be very open and honest here. It put a huge strain on our relationship, not to mention is was hard on our sweet Xavier. And of course Spencer got in lots of work right after I started, so we were just swapping. I would go to work every morning while he stayed home with Xavier, then I'd get home and he'd go to work, often until Xavier needed to get to bed. But the little guy was struggling, so it was a battle to get ANYTHING done around the house. So we were eating out more, our apartment was a total disaster... Needless to say, we were struggling. Way more than we were before I started working. So it hit us, this isn't worth it. This little bit of money is not worth the stress it put on my family.

I'm sure you've guessed it, and I'm trying to keep this brief. I quit. I gave my two weeks notice a few weeks ago, so last Friday was my last full week. I am working Tuesday and Thursday morning this week and next, and then I am done. I am staying on so I can help when they need it. So I know I will be working at least a week in October so someone can have some time off.

I couldn't be more excited. This past Monday, and today, not having to go into work in the morning was so amazing. My family has been happier, I've gotten so much more done so our apartment looks great! It's been wonderful.

So for my tidbit. If there is something in your life that is causing you lots of stress, get rid of it. I know there are some things that you just can't get rid of. But there are some things that you can. So whatever it is, just get rid of it. The relief and joy from getting rid of it is so worth it! So take a look at your life. If something is stressing you needlessly, then it's not worth it.

August Sick...

So I have been meaning to post this for a long time. But there's a big difference between meaning to do something and actually doing it. So I'm actually doing it now!

Last month I got a cold--crappy I know. I hate summer colds. Any who. I had a cold, thankfully it wasn't a horrible one. I only had a couple days where I felt pretty crappy. But I decided to keep up on my yoga that week anyway. And guess what? I actually found a yoga for when you're sick video! Cold and flu season is actually just around the corner, so I would highly recommend coming back to this if you get sick. Here's the video if you want to do it. Surprisingly, it felt amazing to do while I was sick. I did it in the morning before I went to work, and then I found myself wanting to do it again the same day. When you're sick, you need to be extra kind to yourself, and this is a great way to do that.

It's pretty late, but my tidbit for this post is this: when you're sick, keep going but be patient with yourself. Don't overdo it or else you will just make the sickness last longer!

What People May Not Tell You About an Early Miscarriage: Updated

I was doing really well for a few weeks with exercising. I haven't been so great lately. But there is a reason, and it's why I'm posting this on this particular blog. This is for my emotional/mental health. So here goes!

I tend to get a little paranoid over things. So when I started spotting during the fifth week of my pregnancy, I was immediately concerned and terrified. I knew that spotting was a relatively common occurrence in the first trimester, but I still worried-who wouldn't?! Sadly, within the next few days it became obvious that I was having a miscarriage. I believe that knowledge is power, so I started reading whatever I could so I knew what to expect. But experience is the best teacher. Nothing I read could have prepared me for some of the feelings and emotions that I would have. People tend to not talk a lot about miscarriage, because it is a very hard thing. Especially when it is early on in a pregnancy. It's an experience that I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy (not that I have enemies). Unfortunately, it's an experience that a lot of women have to go through. So I was astounded that I couldn't find more articles written by women who had gone through a miscarriage. I started searching harder, and lo and behold I found quite a few blog posts about how miscarriage needs to be talked about more.

And it does. Why does it seem almost taboo to talk about miscarriages? It's a pretty common occurrence, so why is it not okay to be more open about it? Something else that I thought about/was researching, that I think is ridiculous, is this weird thing in our society where we are encouraged not to share our pregnancies early on. Things seriously need to change. Why should a woman have to hide that she is pregnant, just in case she has a miscarriage? I understand that you might not want to tell everyone your pregnant, just to have something go wrong and have to tell everyone that you aren't pregnant anymore... That would be so hard. But sometimes it's easier for people to know—you have support that way.

However, this is a big step for me. I was buying in to the whole, keep miscarriages hush hush thing... But I decided that I wasn't okay with it. So this post will be a LOT of people's first time hearing about my miscarriage. I'm going to jump in with this article. As I was going through my miscarriage, I read a lot about how it's okay to grieve, and a lot about the physical aspects of it, but I wish I could've found something more about the emotions and feelings that you might have. Or just some other things that you don't think about it. So here's what some people may not tell you about a miscarriage—especially an early one.


You might cry... A lot. You might also go back and forth between being okay and being heartbroken.
I was the back and forth. I had immediately gained a bond with the baby growing inside of me, and when I realized that baby wasn't going to live, I was devastated. But I tried/try to be strong. However, there were times when I didn't have it in me and I would just cry. And you know what? That's okay. I was trying so hard to be strong, and trying not to sob uncontrollably, and my wonderful, amazing husband told me that it was okay to cry. And it is. At other times I felt okay. I am okay-I think I'm handling it pretty well. Other times... that's a different story.

You may not want to talk about it, or you may want to tell lots of people.
I leaned a little more toward the not wanting to talk about it. I don't mind people knowing now. The hard part is actually telling people. How do you bring it up? This is, again, something that needs to change. Fortunately, the few people that I told were wonderful. They sent texts to check on me and gave me their love and support. And that was amazing. So even if you don't want to tell a lot of people, tell at least a few people, they'll probably be very supportive.

If you have a child/children already, it will make you more grateful for them and make you love them even more.
I have a little boy who I adore, and during/after my miscarriage, my love and adoration for him grew even more. Sometimes it was difficult, though. Putting my son to bed put me in tears for the first week or so. I loved him so much and wanted so badly to love another child. I'd already started to love the baby growing inside of me and I wanted to be able to put him or her to sleep too... I love and appreciate my sweet boy even more, and I didn't know that was possible.

You might be scared-terrified-rather, to get pregnant again.
It might be a paradox of feelings, really. I'm scared to get pregnant again because I'm afraid that this will happen again. But I'm also scared that I won't get pregnant again. It's difficult to describe. I'm afraid of either outcome. Wanting to have a baby is winning out-especially now. This made us realize just how much we want another baby. But that doesn't change the fact that I am terrified now that this will happen again.

If you've made your first prenatal appointment, canceling it will suck.
I had already made my first appointment. When I started spotting/having the miscarriage, I was talking to my OBGYN office a LOT. I was told to make an appointment for about two weeks after the bleeding started, so they could make sure all was okay and that my body got rid of everything... Canceling my prenatal appointment and setting the one for the miscarriage sucked. It was not a good start to my day. And unfortunately, someone hadn't updated my file, so I got a call from one of the nurses with questions about the miscarriage, so I had to go through everything again. Things like that will make it harder, but you'll be okay.

Seeing pregnant women, even on social media, might put you in tears.
I'm still struggling with this one sometimes. I go to church on Sunday and there are SO many women who are pregnant. My first Sunday after my miscarriage was really rough. There were a ton of women around me with burgeoning bellies, and I was so happy for them, and so sad for myself. How I wanted that! I sat down next to my husband in Sunday School and tried not to break down. It's okay to feel that way. I have to keep reminding myself of that.

If you're fortunate enough to be married and have a supportive husband to help you through a miscarriage, it might bring you closer.
Mutual heartache can bring you closer if you let it. We needed each other. We had lost a miracle that we had both helped to create. It was devastating for both of us. But we leaned on each other and I love, adore, and respect my husband even more now.

I truly hope this post will help at least one person. But I think that talking about miscarriages needs to be more acceptable and okay. I know that a lot of people just don't know what to say to someone who has had a miscarriage. All you need to say is "I'm so sorry." And maybe give them a hug. They may not want to talk about it, so don't push them. If they want to talk then they will. Let's just be more open about this. If you have a story you'd like to share, leave a comment on here, or on my facebook, or feel free to send me a message.

For my friends and family, the above goes for me. If I want to talk about it, I will. If I don't, don't push me. Sometimes I am totally okay talking about things, and other times I can't talk about it or else I will break into sobs. If you are finding out about my miscarriage now through this post, don't feel hurt that I didn't tell you. Very few people knew before I wrote this.

To those who have been through a miscarriage, I am so sorry, and I hope that you are doing well now. For those currently experiencing a miscarriage, my heart  and love goes out to you. If you ever want or need to talk, I am here.

Update:
It's been a couple months, but I just wanted to update this. I am doing really well, but it doesn't mean I don't hurt and feel sad about having a miscarriage. I definitely do. Church is still hard sometimes because so many women are pregnant/having babies. Which leads me to continue.

Seeing/hearing newborn babies will rip at your heart. 
I was on the way to bringing a new baby into this world... and then suddenly I wasn't. Whenever I hear or see a newborn, or even just a young baby, I want so badly for that to me.

You might try to avoid pregnant women because it's hard to be around them. 
Obviously this isn't totally possible. But there are two women in mine or my husband's family that are pregnant. And I love them dearly. But right now it's hard to be around them, because it reminds me that I should/could have been pregnant right now too. I went to a friend's baby shower, which I knew would be difficult, but I wanted to go anyway. There ended up being three pregnant women there. Not going to lie-I had a little pity party in the car after I left. And then I was fine. It's okay to feel bad and sad, don't push it away. Let yourself feel sad and then move on.

If you have the post mis-carriage check up, it's hard...
Oh my goodness. I went in two weeks after my mis-carriage. I knew it was going to be hard... That doesn't even begin ti describe! Tears were right at the surface the whole time in the waiting room. You're surrounded by pregnant women and pictures on the walls of pregnant women and babies. Wow... If you can manage it, DON'T go alone! Unfortunately my husband really needed to work, so I had to go alone and it made it so much harder. I was relieved to finally go back. I was under control and doing okay, but when the doctor came in to ask how I was doing, tears came a little. I was able to pull them back and get through my checkup. Everything looked good so we talked for a few minutes and then I left. And on my way to my car I cried... Yeah, that appointment seriously sucks!

And with that... I love the office I go to, don't get me wrong. But somewhere along the line the ball got dropped again. So the day before I was supposed to have my first pre-natal appointment I got a text from them reminding me of my appointment the next day. Not cool. And then since I obviously didn't go, I got a text the day after saying I had missed my appointment. That''ll get at your heart pretty quickly!

Your body is starting to change, so be patient. 
Especially if this isn't your first pregnancy, your body will start to change. And apparently a LOT faster if you already have a kid/kids. I had already started to look a little pregnant. When I miscarried my body didn't just go back. I was already trying to get into shape, and this set me back about a month. So be patient with yourself.

You will get better. And you are strong. 
Time heals all. There will still be days that are hard. You'll still wish and want to get pregnant again. But you'll be okay. Your emotions will settle down and things will go almost back to the way they were. Yes, I am doing really well, and I think I handled it pretty well. But having a mis-carriage changes you. You helped create a new person, and then lost them. That's not something that you forget. And you definitely shouldn't be ashamed of it. I still really think that miscarriage should be totally acceptable to talk about. It shouldn't be taboo. So please, please! If you have had a miscarriage, share my post, or just create a new post saying you've had a miscarriage and that you are strong. Because you are. And if this post has helped you in any way, whether you have had a miscarriage or not, please share it! I truly just want to help as many people as I can. It was so hard not really knowing what to expect when I was miscarrying, I want to be able to help other women who are going through it/have gone through it. Thanks for reading.

Just do it!

First off, how awesome is my husband? I have been wanting him to take pictures of me silhouetted in yoga or meditation poses. So he got this awesome picture of me and then tweaked it so I could make it my blog title picture. He put the title on it for me and everything. He's awesome. Anyway...

I meant to write this a week ago, but just got busy and kept putting it off. But no longer! So last Thursday (not this past one but the week before... yeah, I know-REALLY putting it off.), I woke extra early. Not necessarily on purpose, but I had to pee and couldn't fall back to sleep, so I figured, why not get up and do stuff? So I got myself ready and drove to Rock Canyon Park. It's a beautiful park that has a kind of walking path around it, so I went for a couple laps around and then, I did yoga!

Yeah, I know. I do yoga a lot, nothing super new there. What I DON'T do, is do yoga outdoors, knowing that other people might see me. This was amazing for two reasons. Outdoors. On a beautiful, fall-like morning. After a brisk walk. It was wonderful. It was gorgeous and refreshing and just... awesome. The other reason it was so wonderful is, for some reason I've been kind of embarrassed to do yoga outdoors because I'm afraid someone would see me and judge me. Stupid, I know. I really do get how silly that sounds, but I HATE people watching me work out. Except for Spencer and Xavier. I know Spencer doesn't really pay attention, or he likes to look (wink, wink), and Xavier thinks I'm a jungle gym when I do yoga. But other people? Strangers? What?!?! Anyway. I decided that I wasn't going to care if people saw or what they thought. So I did yoga on the top of the hill so I could look out over the valley. And it was amazing. It was the first time I've ever done that, but it will most definitely NOT be the last.

This leads me to my tidbit for this post. Don't care or worry about what other people think. In some way I don't care what people think, but in other ways I do, and I shouldn't. Putting aside what people might think about you is so helpful and confidence building. If you decide that you won't care what people think, it gives you more power, and will allow you to do what you want to do. Story time. When I was younger, I wouldn't want to show child like enthusiasm because I would be afraid of what people would think. I more than make up for that now! My husband comments now on my child like wonder and you know what? I love it. I look back and feel like I missed out because I was embarrassed and afraid of what people might think. Now I don't. And I am so much happier because of it!

So if you're avoiding doing something you want because you're afraid of what people will think, just do it! Say to yourself that you won't care, and that you want to do what you want to do, then do it! It's so rewarding and you will thank yourself. Give yourself some love--you deserve it!

Ahhhhh.....

It's amazing what a little bit of yoga every day can do for you. At least it can for me. I know yoga isn't necessarily everyone's cup of tea--my husband hates it because he isn't flexible at all (we need to work on that, I know). But seriously, yoga rocks! I've been very good about exercising every day this month, and usually it's yoga. It's almost like my body has just come to... need it? Expect it? I don't even know how to explain it, but if I don't do yoga in the morning, I crave it. And now if I get into bed without doing even just a few stretches, something feels off. Woo! So happy and proud of myself for that!

And hey, I'm going to delve into that now. Part of being truly, wholly healthy, is accepting yourself. You have to look at and acknowledge what you are doing well. We often are our own worse critic and our own worst enemy. Choosing to see the good in yourself is so important to your overall health. It helps you mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. And when you help all of those things, of course it is going to affect you physically. Be kind to yourself. Everyone makes mistakes. Allow yourself to make mistakes and not beat yourself up for it. Acknowledge your mistake and choose to learn from it and move on. I cannot stress how important this is in life.

Now I'm going to change subjects (squirrel!). I guess it's kinda along the same lines... Anywho. I had an awesome experience earlier this week and I want to share it. I was doing yoga one morning, a Yoga with Adriene video. (She is seriously my favorite! Amazing videos-she's real, honest, and just awesome!) In a lot of videos she talks about setting an intention. What was your intention for getting on the mat that day? what's your intention for the day? etc. I'll often think to myself that my intention is to be healthy. I'm not sure what it was but I decided to do it a little different that morning. The intention thing came up quite a few times in the video. There were a few poses where she would tell you to think about your intention again. That morning I decided to focus on four words. Strength. Energy. Health. Love. Every time she mentioned the intention in the video, I focused on those four words and how I wanted to have them and feel them throughout the day. Those four things were the reason I had gotten up and gotten on the yoga mat that morning.

Now this is the amazing part. I felt all four of those things all day long. I didn't do anything different. It was a normal, routine day. But I truly felt all of those things all day long. I got more done throughout the day and I just overall felt so much better all day. I'm going to try it more and see if I notice a difference, because it was amazing. I strongly encourage you to try it. At the start of your day, even if you're not doing yoga or anything like that, take a minute or two to focus on your intention for the day. What do you want to feel or how do you want to feel? Focus on it and allow it to wash over you and see if it makes a difference. It made a difference for me and I'm excited to see if it continues to when I make a conscious effort to focus on those intentions at the start of my day. Let me know about your experience if you try it. I'd love to hear about it!

If you've made it this far, I want to thank you so much for reading this. Truly. You have no idea how much it means to me that you have read my blog post. I hope that you enjoyed it and that you are even somewhat inspired to focus on your own way to health--physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. Thank you for letting me share a part of myself with you.

A Little Better

Okay, so I could definitely be better at writing more this month, but I think this is better than I have been doing! haha. Any who. Didn't get much interest in people doing the July challenge with me. If you didn't see the challenge, read my previous post here. I know it's already about half-way through the month, but if you want to jump in and join me, please do!

Now as for my update on how I've been doing. I have successfully worked out every single day so far! I have done at least five minutes of yoga every single day, even if it's just a little to unwind and stretch before I go to bed. Some days I got in exercise just by walking a LOT-even just for shopping or what not. We went to Park City over 4th of July weekend to hit the outlet sales and we walked for miles, so I definitely counted that as my exercise for the day.

This is a pretty short post, but sometimes that's all you can do. Here's my little slowly healthy tidbit for the day, though. I mentioned that I have been doing yoga/stretching before going to bed. It is AMAZING the improvement it has made! I fall asleep more easily, I sleep better, and I feel better in the morning. Seriously, try stretching a little bit before going to bed. It feels amazing. And it's good for your body. A few of my favorite yoga poses before bed are the downward dog, uttanasana, and happy baby. If these don't gel with you, try something else, but try doing a little stretching before bed. It really does help in so many ways! Taking those few minutes to stretch, relax, and unwind really help you to relax and get you in the mindset for sleep, which we can all use, right?

Back to it!

I was lacking quite a bit with my working out the past few weeks. If you saw my last post you will know why. But I decided to get back to it this week! Monday I didn't work out but I was really active with Xavier after work, so I got a lot of walking in.

But yesterday was great! Monday night I decided that I needed to get back to it, so I tried to get to bed a little earlier. I woke up early Tuesday morning and did some yoga/stretching before heading out for a walk/run. I say walk/run because I haven't gone running in a very long time. It is sooooo important to take things slow when you're starting out. If you overdo it then you will feel like crap and it will be that much harder to keep working out. So I walked for five minutes then jogged for five minutes, then walked back home, which took me about seven minutes. It may not seem like much, but you know what? I felt great! I was a little sore today but it felt good. After I got home from my walk I did yoga for about twenty more minutes to stretch again. I don't know if you realize just how important stretching is. Storytime!

A couple months ago when I was getting back in to working out, I was working my legs-squats, toe raises, etc. I completely forgot to stretch afterward (I think the little boy was needing something), and I was DYING the next few days! My sweet husband had to help me out of the car sometimes because it hurt so much. And I hadn't even worked out THAT hard. Since then I have been much better at stretching and you know what? I haven't gotten anywhere near as sore as I did then, and I have definitely worked out harder than I did then.

Back to today. I DID get to bed earlier last night-yay me! So I got up extra early today so I could stretch, go walk/run, and then do some more yoga when I got home. I already finished that and now I'm writing a blogpost and it's not even 8:20 yet! Woohoo! Exercise really does give you so much more energy. Sometimes (when I'm good), when I'm really tired or have no energy during the day, I'll do a little exercise to get my energy up. You don't even need to do much, a little stretching or a nice little walk will seriously do wonders. Seriously, give it a try when you feel your energy really lacking.

Anyway, since it is a new month-why hello July, welcome!-I am going to challenge myself to work out every day of July. And I do mean every day, even it if is just a five or ten minute yoga sequence. That little bit of exercise/meditation can really lead to better choices throughout the day. If you're worried about keeping the Sabbath day holy, even just do a yoga meditation on Sunday-that's what I am planning on doing. What could be better than turning inward and meditating on the Sabbath? You could also do a little walk with family. I love taking Xavier out on Sundays when we can, and a little walk--around the Temple maybe? still totally counts!

So, if you want to join me on my challenge, then comment on Facebook. If I get enough people interested in doing it with me, then I will create a Facebook page/event for it where we can be accountable to one another and cheer each other on. And if you miss a day, don't worry about it! Let me know if you want to join me in my challenge. Thanks for reading and I hope you have a wonderful day :)

Oh also-I am going to try to update the blog more often-that's another challenge to myself for July. Here's to a great month!

What people might not tell you about an early miscarriage.

I was doing really well for a few weeks with exercising. I haven't been so great lately. But there is a reason, and it's why I'm posting this on this particular blog. This is for my emotional/mental health. So here goes!

I tend to get a little paranoid over things. So when I started spotting during the fifth week of my pregnancy, I was immediately concerned and terrified. I knew that spotting was a relatively common occurrence in the first trimester, but I still worried-who wouldn't?! Sadly, within the next few days it became obvious that I was having a miscarriage. I believe that knowledge is power, so I started reading whatever I could so I knew what to expect. But experience is the best teacher. Nothing I read could have prepared me for some of the feelings and emotions that I would have. People tend to not talk a lot about miscarriage, because it is a very hard thing. Especially when it is early on in a pregnancy. It's an experience that I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy (not that I have enemies). Unfortunately, it's an experience that a lot of women have to go through. So I was astounded that I couldn't find more articles written by women who had gone through a miscarriage. I started searching harder, and lo and behold I found quite a few blog posts about how miscarriage needs to be talked about more.

And it does. Why does it seem almost taboo to talk about miscarriages? It's a pretty common occurrence, so why is it not okay to be more open about it? Something else that I thought about/was researching, that I think is ridiculous, is this weird thing in our society where we are encouraged not to share our pregnancies early on. Things seriously need to change. Why should a woman have to hide that she is pregnant, just in case she has a miscarriage? I understand that you might not want to tell everyone your pregnant, just to have something go wrong and have to tell everyone that you aren't pregnant anymore... That would be so hard. But sometimes it's easier for people to know—you have support that way.

However, this is a big step for me. I was buying in to the whole, keep miscarriages hush hush thing... But I decided that I wasn't okay with it. So this post will be a LOT of people's first time hearing about my miscarriage. I'm going to jump in with this article. As I was going through my miscarriage, I read a lot about how it's okay to grieve, and a lot about the physical aspects of it, but I wish I could've found something more about the emotions and feelings that you might have. Or just some other things that you don't think about it. So here's what some people may not tell you about a miscarriage—especially an early one.


You might cry... A lot. You might also go back and forth between being okay and being heartbroken.
I was the back and forth. I had immediately gained a bond with the baby growing inside of me, and when I realized that baby wasn't going to live, I was devastated. But I tried/try to be strong. However, there were times when I didn't have it in me and I would just cry. And you know what? That's okay. I was trying so hard to be strong, and trying not to sob uncontrollably, and my wonderful, amazing husband told me that it was okay to cry. And it is. At other times I felt okay. I am okay-I think I'm handling it pretty well. Other times... that's a different story.

You may not want to talk about it, or you may want to tell lots of people.
I leaned a little more toward the not wanting to talk about it. I don't mind people knowing now. The hard part is actually telling people. How do you bring it up? This is, again, something that needs to change. Fortunately, the few people that I told were wonderful. They sent texts to check on me and gave me their love and support. And that was amazing. So even if you don't want to tell a lot of people, tell at least a few people, they'll probably be very supportive.

If you have a child/children already, it will make you more grateful for them and make you love them even more.
I have a little boy who I adore, and during/after my miscarriage, my love and adoration for him grew even more. Sometimes it was difficult, though. Putting my son to bed put me in tears for the first week or so. I loved him so much and wanted so badly to love another child. I'd already started to love the baby growing inside of me and I wanted to be able to put him or her to sleep too... I love and appreciate my sweet boy even more, and I didn't know that was possible.

You might be scared-terrified-rather, to get pregnant again.
It might be a paradox of feelings, really. I'm scared to get pregnant again because I'm afraid that this will happen again. But I'm also scared that I won't get pregnant again. It's difficult to describe. I'm afraid of either outcome. Wanting to have a baby is winning out-especially now. This made us realize just how much we want another baby. But that doesn't change the fact that I am terrified now that this will happen again.

If you've made your first prenatal appointment, canceling it will suck.
I had already made my first appointment. When I started spotting/having the miscarriage, I was talking to my OBGYN office a LOT. I was told to make an appointment for about two weeks after the bleeding started, so they could make sure all was okay and that my body got rid of everything... Canceling my prenatal appointment and setting the one for the miscarriage sucked. It was not a good start to my day. And unfortunately, someone hadn't updated my file, so I got a call from one of the nurses with questions about the miscarriage, so I had to go through everything again. Things like that will make it harder, but you'll be okay.

Seeing pregnant women, even on social media, might put you in tears.
I'm still struggling with this one sometimes. I go to church on Sunday and there are SO many women who are pregnant. My first Sunday after my miscarriage was really rough. There were a ton of women around me with burgeoning bellies, and I was so happy for them, and so sad for myself. How I wanted that! I sat down next to my husband in Sunday School and tried not to break down. It's okay to feel that way. I have to keep reminding myself of that.

If you're fortunate enough to be married and have a supportive husband to help you through a miscarriage, it might bring you closer.
Mutual heartache can bring you closer if you let it. We needed each other. We had lost a miracle that we had both helped to create. It was devastating for both of us. But we leaned on each other and I love, adore, and respect my husband even more now.

I truly hope this post will help at least one person. But I think that talking about miscarriages needs to be more acceptable and okay. I know that a lot of people just don't know what to say to someone who has had a miscarriage. All you need to say is "I'm so sorry." And maybe give them a hug. They may not want to talk about it, so don't push them. If they want to talk then they will. Let's just be more open about this. If you have a story you'd like to share, leave a comment on here, or on my facebook, or feel free to send me a message.

For my friends and family, the above goes for me. If I want to talk about it, I will. If I don't, don't push me. Sometimes I am totally okay talking about things, and other times I can't talk about it or else I will break into sobs. If you are finding out about my miscarriage now through this post, don't feel hurt that I didn't tell you. Very few people knew before I wrote this.

To those who have been through a miscarriage, I am so sorry, and I hope that you are doing well now. For those currently experiencing a miscarriage, my heart  and love goes out to you. If you ever want or need to talk, I am here.

Soooo... Yeah...

Hey! So I totally failed at updating this for awhile. To be fair, I got a little busy with the end of school. But I'm DONE! I officially have a BA in Theatre Arts Studies (emphases in Playwriting and Directing). Woohoo! I've also finished all of my Teaching Assistant responsibilities, so guess what that means? I am finished with school! And that means I get to be a stay at home wife and mother. Hot dang it's been awesome!

Now back to health. I'm going to put a bunch of stuff on this post, so hang in there with me. Or not. You don't have to. But I want you to. So hang on to your keyboard (or mouse... or phone... or tablet... or whatever) and read on!

Last month the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints held its semi annual General Conference. I've mentioned that healthy is more than just physically. I want to be healthy physically, emotionally, mentally, and also spiritually. I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints (as I'm sure most of you know), and I absolutely love General Conference! We get to listen to modern-day, living Prophets and Apostles of Jesus Christ. What a wonderful way to get spiritually uplifted and add to your spiritual health. During one of the sessions of conference, I decided to also indulge and help my mental and emotional health by painting my toe-nails. Now I know some of you may think, how on earth does painting your toe-nails help you emotionally or mentally? It just does. It's something that I can do for me. I don't do it for anyone else. I do it because I like to choose the color of nail polish I use-it's just fun deciding on a color. And it makes me feel better about myself. Simple, I know, but having my toe-nails painted cute honestly makes me feel a little better (especially when I'm wearing sandals!)
I guess what I'm saying with this is, do something for yourself. It doesn't have to be anything huge. Just do something simple-an extra long shower, a face mask, painting your nails, whatever it may be. Just do something nice for yourself.

Now skipping ahead. I am so proud of myself this week. I got myself back on track and have been doing so well this week. I did yoga and started alternating working out my upper body and lower body. I splurged (a small splurge) on two five-pound weights. That lets you know how much of a wuss I am right now, but I needed to start with something small to tone my arms. And that's the thing. I want to tone my arms, not bulk them up, so I wanted to have a small weight so I could do lots of reps.

About the yoga though. Wow! If you've never done yoga before, I highly recommend it. I mentioned before that I was doing the 30 days of yoga. I kinda stopped but was doing it off and on. This week I picked back up where I'd left off and I feel so good. Yoga is all about being kind to your body and accepting yourself. At least that's what I take away from it. I have absolutely been loving the yoga videos I've been doing. It's on youtube and totally free! I've been doing Yoga with Adriene, and I love it. I like her personality that shines through. I highly, highly encourage everyone to try yoga. If you want one that is super calm and relaxing, try this one. I have actually gone back and done this one a couple times because it makes me feel so amazing.

But moving right along. Getting healthy takes time. I know that one thing that really helps is just being more active and moving more. I have really taken that to heart this week. Since I have the opportunity to stay home with my almost fifteen month old son, I decided I wanted to be active with him. So I have made it a goal to take him out every day and do something. It's been a little difficult because it's been raining so much this week. He played in the rain, though, and didn't seem to mind at all! I haven't been spending money doing things, I've done things that just get me moving, and let me do something with him. My number one choice is to take him to the park, which I did a lot. But when it was really raining hard, I just took him with me to run errands and then we walked around the mall. I know that is small, but just getting moving is so important and so helpful.

Another thing that I have found that has been wonderful for me this week is getting back to my cleaning schedule. This may not sound like it has anything to do with health, but I can promise you it does. Physically: it gets me moving around the apartment. Mentally: I actually somewhat enjoy cleaning and organizing, so once I get started, I usually enjoy it. Emotionally and spiritually: you just feel so much better when you are in a clean space. The atmosphere in our apartment has changed remarkably just by me keeping to the cleaning schedule and keeping it cleaner and tidier. If you want ideas on how to make a schedule, go here. You can customize it to fit your needs, which is what I did. The reason I love having a cleaning schedule is because it keeps me from getting overwhelmed. Sometimes that is what keeps me from cleaning. I don't know where to start. With a schedule, you break it down so you do a little every day, so you're never overwhelmed.

Anywho! Something else I did recently was try a new bread recipe. I have been trying so hard to eat better, and I have noticed a huge difference. It's amazing how much of a difference just eating right can do for you! One thing that I try to do is make home-made bread. It's so much better for you because you know what you're putting into it, and you can customize it to fit your likes. So I looked at a few different recipes and basically made up my own, new recipe. I will post that recipe in a new post, so as not to bog you down too much! And that way, if you like it, it's easier to get back to! Here's the Hearty Wheat Bread recipe!

Well, I have much more that I'd like to say, but I am having a hard time keeping my eyes open and my fingers typing. It's time for my bedtime routine. My bed is calling for me...

Hearty Wheat Bread

So I looked at a few different bread recipes, decided I liked bits and pieces of all of them, and then proceeded to basically make up my own recipe. I was very pleased with how well this turned out! Unfortunately we don't have a wheat grinder, because grinding your own wheat for this could only make it better!

The Ingredients:
1/2 cup of 9-grain cereal
1.5 tsp yeast and 1/2 cup of warm water
2 Tbs flax seeds
2 Tbs chia seeds
2 cups bread flour
2 cups wheat flour
1 tsp salt
2 eggs
1/4 cup olive oil
2 Tbs honey
1/2 cup-ish ofquick-oats

What I did:
Soak the 9-grain cereal is warm water about 30 minutes
Soak the flax seeds and chia seeds together in water for about 30 minutes
Put the yeast in the 1/2 cup of warm (hottish) water and allow to proof about 15 minutes
Combine the bread flour, wheat flour, and salt and mix together.
(I did this in my kitchen-aid, and it was super easy!)
Make a well in the mixture of dry ingredients and add in the eggs, olive oil, yeast mixture, flax and chia seed mixture, 9-grain cereal, and the honey. Mix all of this well and knead until the dough starts to form a bowl and doesn't stick to the sides of the bowl.
(P.S. The chia and flax seed mixture will be a little slimy and thick. It's totally fine, that's just the seeds soaking up the water!)
As the dough was kneading I ended up adding about 1/3 cup extra of wheat flour, so if you need more flour, just add as much as you need.
Once it has come together, form a ball with the dough. Oil and large bowl and place the dough ball in. Cover and let rise for an hour in a WARM place! (This is very important. My apartment was too cold and it didn't rise properly for the first hour. I got it warmer for the second rising and it was totally fine.)
After rising, take dough out and divide it into two equal parts. Shape into loaves and put in oiled bread pans. Allow to rise for an hour in a warm place.
Preheat oven to 375 degrees fahrenheit.
Brush loaves with olive oil. (You could brush them with butter, a mixture of butter and olive oil, if you want something sweeter, you could brush them with honey butter. Lots of choices here. I personally would do butter olive oil if you can get your hands on it. It's absolutely amazing!)
Sprinkle quick-oats on the outside of the loaf.
Bake for 25-35 minutes.

There you have it! This turned out really well for me. It's made great sandwich bread! Let me know what you think, though. If you have any suggestions for improvement, please let me know that as well!

Day 4: April 3rd

Wooo! Four days straight of starting off with the 30 day yoga challenge! It’s always quite fun. For some reason my 1-year-old son loves when I do yoga and he thinks its time to climb all over me. Apparently when I do yoga he think I am his personal jungle gym. It cracks me up every time, though. He is so funny. He also helps to keep me going and trying to be healthy. He is so active and has so much energy. I want to be able to keep up with him, so I do this in part for him and my future children. After I took Spencer to work, the little guy and I went to the park and we went on a nice walk around the park. And then we played for a little while. It makes me so happy to be active and play with my son. We have so much fun together when we do.

A large part of being healthy is not just being active and exercising, but what you eat is soooo important! You can’t just eat whatever you want and then exercise to work it off. That’s not totally how it works. You need vitamins and minerals that good, healthy food gives your body. And putting in excess sugar and highly processed foods is going to negatively effect your body and your health. I am going to be perfectly honest and say that this is something I sometimes struggle with. I love sweets. I love things high in fat-mashed potatoes with sour cream, cheese, and milk. Mmmm. But it’s horrible. And I know I need to be better. So I have to say how proud I am of what I ordered when we ate out for dinner.

We went to Cracker Barrel, which I love. But I usually order something fried, mashed potatoes or fries, or other unhealthy things. But when we went this time, I exercised self control and ordered something different. I was ecstatic to find that they actually had a low-calorie menu with healthy side options. So I ordered a baked chicken meal instead of fried chicken. It came with steamed broccoli, and for the other side I ordered green beans. It was actually soooo delicious! I added a little bit of salt to the vegetables because they were slightly bland, but with the little salt I added I was perfectly happy eating those. I thoroughly enjoyed my meal and was reminded that good food can still be delicious.

So if you’re looking for another way to get slowly healthy, try adding a vegetable in to your meal. It’s those little things that will help you to feel better!

Day 3: April 2nd

Again I started my day off well with Day 3 of the 30 day Yoga challenge. I cannot tell you how much I love yoga. It is amazing! I had class that I needed to get to by 9am, so I didn’t have a chance to go on a walk, but while I was on campus I decided to take the stairs every where, so I could get a little more exercise. It is small, healthy decisions that ultimately make a difference in the long run. I know it’s a very little thing, but instead of asking my husband to grab something for me when I’m sitting, I just get up and grab it myself. It may not be much, but those little things will add up. And it does make me feel better getting up and doing things myself. If you want to get healthy, start with something simple. Make small decisions that are healthy, and they can lead to much bigger decisions later.

Day 2: April 1st!

I started my day off with doing day 2 of the 30-day yoga challenge. I feel so much better when I start my day off well with a little exercise. It makes me want to be better all day long, which is always a good thing. I went on a little walk, too, which felt great. Spring has definitely sprung in Provo and the trees and flowers are beautiful! I thoroughly enjoyed a little brisk walk, even though the wind was biting and I couldn’t handle it for long.

Now I said that I started my day off well, and I didn’t want to give in and eat a bunch of crap. I don’t know about you, but I often crave sweets. CRAVE them! But I know that sugar is terrible for you, and is often the cause of extra belly fat. So I decided to try to make some healthier cookies. Notice I said healthier and not healthy. I want to try to cut sugar out of my diet, not all together, but cut it down. I firmly believe that if you try to do something cold turkey, you’ll often fall and end up binging. Hence the healthier cookies. I think they actually turned out pretty well! I was pleasantly surprised. There’s room to make them even healthier, but also room to make them less healthy. Give them a try if you want something you can have, not guilt free, but less guiltily.

½ cup coconut oil

½ cup coconut palm sugar

¼ cup honey

-Cream these together. For all of the following ingredients, mix well after each addition.

1 egg

1 overflowing tsp vanilla

¼ cup and 1 Tbs all purpose flour

¼ cup and 1 Tbs whole wheat flour

¼ tsp baking soda

½ tsp salt

1 ½ cups quick cooking oats

2/3 cup (heaping) chopped pecans

1 Tbs flax seeds

¼ cup butterscotch chips

¼ cup extra dark chocolate chips

I used a small cookie scoop to make the cookies. Bake in preheated oven at 325 degrees for 12-15 minutes. Let them set up for awhile before eating them-they are gooey!

I actually would have preferred them to be a little less gooey. When I make them again I will probably add an extra Tbs of all purpose flour and an extra Tbs of whole wheat flour. I might even add more flax seeds.